I guess I had better finish off this Capture Your Grief 2019 challenge. Life has got in the way over the last few days. The actual day of the 31st was taken up by my living children. We had an amazing Halloween party with my daughter friends, their siblings and parents. Once the party was over we went trick or treating as a family and got enough sweets to last the children until at least Easter. We then spent the next few days riding bikes, sorting out the children’s bags and uniform for school and helping my nephew celebrate his 5th birthday.
I never got out to look at the sunset on the 31st. I had a small person wanting me to put whiskers on her face so she could be a cat. By the time she (and I ) was happy with them the sun was down and darkness was drawing in.
The prompt asked questions for this day.
Did I discover anything about myself?
I don’t think I discovered anything majorly new about myself. The project made me realise that I am still angry over my loss and that certain people who should care don’t give a monkey’s about my son. I have learned that I can share this blog post and not be afraid of people reading it. It is one thing for people on the internet to read it but to openly share it on my Facebook page where people I see every day can read it was initially scary. I just hoped it has helped someone with their journey.
Do I feel more connected to my missing child?
Simple answer is no. I am always connected to my Milo. He will always be a part of me. The only way I could feel more connected to him is if he was here in my arms and growing.
How am I feeling?
I feel fine. Certain days were harder to write than others but that happens in any situation. I feel able to be more open with how I feel and not to be afraid of the tears. At times it felt like my emotions would drown me but I got through it and have for the first time 3 years written something for every prompt (granted not on the correct day necessarily) but there are 31 posts completed.
#captureyourgrief2019
A Milo shaped hole. 