Long time no see

Since my last post I have had my first Christmas with my rainbow and her first birthday. We have also had what should have been my Milo’s third birthday.

His day passed by silently, with a few tears and even fewer laughs. We decorated his grave after removing all of his ornaments for cleaning and as a mark of respect for my grandfather, who had been gone 30 years.

We spent some time as a family, even though my eldest whinged the whole time as it was cold. Granted it was bloody freezing. I had to stop myself thinking about my son being in the cold earth. He is not there. He is all around me. His mortal remains maybe buried there but is soul isn’t tied to that place. I see him as here with me or flying as a red kite.

I wish more people would have remembered him. Even his own aunt and uncle forgot him. People on line, some of whom I have never met posted and commented for his birthday. They lit a candle or had some cake but not his own flesh and blood. I can’t mention it to them though or I will be seen as the mentally unhinged mother. I didn’t want much. just a text to say they were thinking of him or a happy birthday. I get it it hard but having someone forget him is so much harder.

I wish he could be here to see his big brother and little sister grow up but I know his little sister wouldn’t be here if he has survived. His care would have been too much to even think about having another baby. I know he watches from afar but it isn’t the same.