I took this photo on my Milo’s 6th birthday.
It is a reflection of the 6 candles I had burning for him. Unfortunately I couldn’t get all six in the image without distorting them. I tried many different angles but they just didn’t work. I did try and get the reflection onto the actual gravestone but I wasn’t happy with it.
The name in the background is of my nanny. My Milo was buried in with her and my grampy.
Sitting by my son’s grave made me think back over the last 6 years without him. In that time I have had his sister, left my job, helped my eldest son start at 2 new schools, made new friends and watched his sister skip off to nursery everyday with barely a backwards glance.
I always wonder what my life would have been like if my Milo had lived. I like to think he would have gone to school, made friends and had a ‘normal’ life but I know that is a whole lot of fantasy and hope. My Milo’s life would have been a constant battle. He would have needed around the clock care. We would have had to have moved house as the one we live in now is no where big enough for things like special beds, hoists, downstairs bathrooms and extra rooms for the night nurses. We definitely would not have had his sister. I would never have been able to cope with my Milo, his brother and another child. I know Aiden’s life would have changed dramatically too if Milo had come home. I can see that I wouldn’t have been able to take him to the park whenever he wanted or as he got older help with homework or just play.
I started this challenge with such high hopes. I thought that as I created said challenge that I would be more motivated to complete it. As it turned out the opposite is true. As I had no other people participating I had no one reminding/prompting me to take and post my photos.
I also had much more going on this month than I thought I would. I have had a nephew’s birthday and my own birthday to celebrate (not that they came as a shock) but the planning was more detailed than I expected and then the PTA that I am on took up much more of my free time than I wanted it too.
The committee will have some very happy parents this month with the beautiful cards their children have created but the amount of work that went on behind the scenes to make them happen has been crazy. If I haven’t been actually working on them then I have been thinking about it and how to improve it for next year.
I have also been tasked with sorting the raffle for the Christmas fayre. This can be quite a stressful task, especially when all you are getting are no’s at every turn. I really thought that the fete wouldn’t have a raffle this year but as time has moved on and the fayre date has moved closer more prizes have started to come in and it is now shaping up to be an ok raffle that could be great if I spend more time on it.
The next photo challenge I do I will succeed at. I will make sure that I try it at a less stressful time, even though the run up to Christmas gives great themes to take. All the above might seem like excuses and that I could have done the challenge alongside the PTA stuff but something had to give.
Trying to find a decent close up picture was difficult.
I didn’t want this one to focus on my children as they are my main focus anyway.
I tried to find a beautiful flower but it’s November, not much is flowering currently.
I tried to get close to some ducks that were sitting on the side of the pond but a toddler came along and scared them all off before I could get the correct light and angle.
The photo I ended up taking has actually turned out to be one of my favourites that I took today. It took a few goes but I finally got one I was happy with.
My husband thinks it looks like a bullet hole in glass but I think the hole means a spider ate last night.
There are 5 people in my close family. I have a husband and 3 kids. All three kids are in my heart and mind but only two are in my arms.
I have no full family photos as my Milo died before my Lilith was born. I now struggle to take photos of just the 4 of us. I want them as I know the kids will want them as they get older but I just can’t 90% of the time.
I do have a bear that takes the place of my Milo but even then it still doesn’t feel right to take the image.
As I created this challenge I am not sure why I have added a topic that is family based when my family is so hard to photograph. I think having it in the challenge is a way of sorting out my head a bit.
The photo I choose to share is one including my Milo but it is a composite of many different photos. It has and always will have my Milo at the centre. We may not be able to see him any more but he is always in our hearts.
This photo is of all my family’s favourite toys.
These are all very special and if any of them got lost there would be trouble.
The black bear at the back is mine. He is called Blackie. I was given him for my first Christmas by my big brother. He went everywhere with me. He even got lost one day while out shopping but luckily he was found very quickly due to the help of a passer by.
The dodgy looking pink but is actually brown bunny is my husbands, creatively named Brown Bunny. He slept holding his ears every night. He hated it when it was time for the bunny to go in the wash so DH’s mum went out and bought yellow bunny as a substitute. Yellow bunny was never as popular but was ok for wash days.
The white bellied bunny (or kangaroo, we have never been sure) is my eldest son’s bedtime companion. Her name is Raa raa. Initially she was Raberoo but A shortened it. She was given to him as a present when he was born by my work colleague. We weren’t sure that he would be the favourite initially as A favoured an elephant as he liked to chew the trunk but Raa Raa won out. There are multiple Raa Raa’s floating about. We have one that is kept downstairs and both grandparents have one that is kept at their house.
The pink bunny is my daughters. As is a trend in this family she is called Pink Bunny. I bought her this on a whim. I love the make and thought it was cute. She has been a firm favourite ever since. We have purchased a spare too as PB got left at my parents after a visit and we ended up having to meet my dad half way back as L just wouldn’t settle without the damn bunny.
The final teddy is my Milo’s. He is called Dexter the donkey and he was by his side from when Milo was 10 days old until his death. He was a good teddy for him to have as Dexter is machine washable so if he got dropped out of the incubator then he could be cleaned properly and reduced the risk of infection. We decided that we wanted to keep Dexter instead of putting him in the coffin with my Milo. I needed the donkey to be close to me. He initially smelled just like my son. I cradled him just like my son in the early days and still do when I have a bad day. Milo wasn’t left alone though as he had his other donkey and a bear that was his brothers.
I have seen many of these photo challenges around the net. I often find that I struggle to find a subject on many of the days, or the things I can come up with are really not creative or have been done many times.
I decided that I would create a challenge of my own. It has taken me a while (as you can probably tell) and trying to get the image and wording correct has been a giant pain in my back side.
This is what I will be doing for the next 30 days. I plan on sharing both a photo and a small piece about the photo.