This year I have decided to participate in the Blogging from A to Z challenge. The challenge is to write a blog post everyday (except most of the Sundays) in April. Each post will be on the same theme, which is chosen by the blog author and in an alphabetical order.
The theme I have chosen in Parenting After Loss.
Losing a child is a major life event and it changes almost everything in that life and the life of those around you. It is also something that, unless you have experienced it, you will struggle to full understand.
Losing a child is nothing like losing a close adult. A child has had no chance to experience life or love. Some do not even get to feel the rain on their face or the wind in their hair. I know my Milo didn’t. He lived his whole life inside a hospital ward. He only came home on the day of his funeral. He never got to sleep in my bed, surrounded by my arms or feel the grass under his bare feet.
Hopefully by reading my A to Z challenge posts they will be able to give you a small insight into the world of a loss parent and how it is intrinsically changed forever. If you are a loss parent reading the posts then I hope them make you feel like you are not alone in the darkness.
Today mothers, all over the country will be waking up to cards handmade by their offspring, wrapped gifts, lukewarm tea and if they are especially lucky, breakfast in bed. They’ll be surrounded by grinning faces and have one of their own. Mother’s Day should be all happiness and light but unfortunately not every mother has that.
Angel mummies with living children may also be doing the above but they will always have a tinge of sadness in their eyes and in their heart. While they try and show happiness they are hurting. They are happy that they have some smiling children surrounding them but there is one missing and that is all the more obvious on this Sunday.
The pain of having a missing child on Mother’s Day is only matched by the pain of your mum being missing. Both ways are difficult. It is a day to celebrate being/having a mum.
Angel mummies may spend some of their special day visiting their angel’s resting place. I know I will be. It will be nice to spend some quiet time tidying and sorting my Milo’s grave. I have bought him some new solar lights so he isn’t in the dark. I also have a new train for him too.
Today is #worldbookday, well in some places anyways.
My living children dressed as the red crayon from “the day the crayons quit” and a bumblebee. The Bee costume was last year’s Halloween costume but the crayon costume took me a few hours to make.
Making the costume felt like I should have taken my home economics gcse rather than design and realisation. Trying to draw and cut straight lines on a t-shirt was a nightmare. It kept moving and curling or the chalk wouldn’t write properly. Getting the zig zags correct took both my husband and I.
I had to pin the previously mentioned zig zags to a polo shirt. The first ones of the pattern was easy to attach but trying to make sure the second halves were the correct distance from the first one all the way along was awful. I had to pin and re-pin them multiple times before it was happy.
I tried a couple of different ways of stitching them on. The first zig zag was put on using big running stitch but the rest were small stitches and surprisingly the small stitches took less time.
Once the zig zags were on I had to add the lettering. I was going to cut them from the same material but by this time it was getting close to 1am and I didn’t have the oomph anymore. I just used some precut foam sticky backed letters. The hat part was just a curled card cone.
I think my eldest looked great and it didn’t cost a lot to create what he wanted to be, even though he didn’t decide until 2 days ago.
Once we got to school there was an awful lot of superheroes and princesses. I get that these are costumes that most kids have and it means that parents haven’t got to out and spend more hard earned money on something the child might only wear once but, it just doesn’t sit right with me. A lot of these costumes aren’t derived from books and the point of World Book Day is to garner and love of reading not movies/TV shows. I also spotted a lot of the parents looking down their noses at the homemade costumes. One mum I wanted to smack the look right off her face. A child was wearing a decorated box (not sure what it was as only saw the back) and he was so proud of it that he was saying “look” to any parent he passed and she just looked at him like it was a pile of poop.
The meet when fantastically well.
I can honestly say I liked everyone who came and I think they liked me.
We ate, drank and were merry.
In the end I think there was about 20 of us over the course of the daytime/evening as not everyone could stay all day or make it until late. We took over a small area in the pub and kept adding more chairs and tables as more people arrived.
Those of us who stayed late did some serious drinking. I myself had 3 giant pitchers of woo woo. I felt very fuzzy as time went on but it was lovely. I was also drinking it straight from the pitcher with a straw. I decided that I wasn’t sharing so it didn’t matter. One of the other ladies was also drinking pitchers and seeing me drink them the way I did gave her the confidence to do it too (she wanted to but wasn’t sure if it was considered uncouth, I didn’t give a monkeys).
We spoke about many wild and wonderful things. I managed to speak about my Milo without getting upset. One of my birth group was also there and she said she could see and feel a difference in me while I was talking about him. There were no moments of having to take a moment and no tears. She has been with me since I was pregnant with him and so I guess time does make a difference to this journey.
Once some people decided it was time to go to bed the rest of us headed out for karaoke. If was a long walk in the wrong direction but hey ho. I hoped it would have been lots of fun but I found the place a bit overfilled with people and no where to sit down. You could barely reach the bar for a drink. That type of place is my least favourite. I managed to escape to a quieter area and I found a seat too. I didn’t stay out too much longer as some of the others were leaving then too so we all caught a cab back to the hotel.
There have been some ‘lovely’ photographs taken but unfortunately I am unable to share them as I haven’t been given permission. You can tell as we lot more and more drunk. The poses became more confident and weirder. The hairstyles also started to go awry. Luckily I didn’t make a huge effort with my hair and make up so I could faff as much as I liked.
I am really looking forward to the next time that we get together. For a bunch of women from multiple backgrounds and countries we got on fabulously. Meeting them has also made me feel closer to them and more involved in the group.