Forgetting my son

I understand that my Milo passed away nearly 4 years ago but is that any reason to forget him. One set of his grandparents have chosen to go away on his angelversary and when I called them on it, they didn’t even recall the importance of the date straight away.

I hate that people always forget that I have 3 children. The two livings ones are never forgotten so why does my beautiful boy. It’s not his fault he is no longer here.

Even friends who were with me when he was alive and after his death have forgotten. They think I should have gotten over him by now. I will never get over losing him. I wil always be missing a part of my heart and will always be broken.

My online community remember my son more than his actual family and loved ones. They know his name and hopefully there will always be someone remembers my boy.

I do have one sister in law who I can rely on. She always remembers special dates and will bring him something small home when she goes on holiday. I would have been lost without her.



Upcoming Angelversary

There is just over a week until it has been 4 years (how the hell did it get to 4 years so quickly) since I held my living and breathing little boy.

I can feel the hurt and the pain creeping further forward in my heart. It will soon be so far forward that everything else will be paled into insignificance. This coming week will be extremely difficult, not only for me but for those around me.

My 6.5 year old has a huge understanding this year and he randomly bursts into tears and says he misses Milo. I hate that his life has been damaged in this way. I will never regret having his brother but I regret that I can’t hide the pain or take it away from him.

I spent some time yesterday lookng for new songs/poems to mark the day but I always keep coming back to the same ones. I am loving the words to P!nks ‘Beam me up’ this year though. I wish I could hold my son for just a minute more. I have also discovered a song in Home on the Range which really calls to me.