In a week my Milo should be turning 5 (how the hell has it got to 5 years already). This is another birthday where he is not with us to celebrate.
My living children want to bake him a cake and have a tea party for him but I am not sure I am able to. It just feels weird to do that when the guest of honour will never be able to join us.
I would be happy to spend the day hiding from the world in my bed and just think of him but unfortunately that will not happen. My husband is taking the day off of work so we can go and spend some time at our son’s graveside in the daylight hours. We won’t be able to spend as much as time as we want as we will have our almost 3 year old with us and it isn’t fair to her to make her sit in the pushchair in the cold while we weep for our son who is not here.
I have bought him some new glow in the dark trains so hopefully they will light him up for a little while. I also want to find a new ornament but that it proving to be tricky. Everything I look at is either too big, has the wrong words or won’t get here in time. I should have planned better but this year has snuck up on me.
I wish that I could be spending my money on special toys and clothes and finding something special that my 5 year old would love to do with his big brother and maybe some friends from school.
I miss him so much but the pain doesn’t get any lighter you just get used to the weight.
This is a topic that is going around and around a lot of the angel mummy sites/groups at the moment. I think there has been a story in a soap where a baby has been born before the date of viability and it has not been allowed a birth certificate. It has bought up a lot of hurt within the angel community.
A baby born after 20 weeks but before 24 weeks is classed as a late miscarriage but after 24 weeks the baby is a still birth.
A lot of angel parents and their friends want changes to the system of issuing official certificates for registering the birth and death. A lot feel that as they have to give birth to an actual baby (before 24 weeks) then that baby should be recognised with an official certificate and registered. They also want a still-born baby to have both birth and death certificates rather than just a stillbirth certificate.
This is a controversial view but I believe the current system is a good one and there is no need for major change. While a still-born baby is born, the death may have occurred many days/weeks before this actual time. How can you issue an official document when you are unable to pinpoint time of death. I think the stillbirth certificate that it issued is a perfectly good way of registering the baby. It shows that the baby never took a breath and it is registered in a slightly different way to a live birth but the baby is still official.
When it comes to a late miscarriage I think that as the baby probably wouldn’t have survived outside the womb then it shouldn’t be issued with a birth or death certificate but I do believe that these births should be recorded in some way and the parents given a way of showing this. I think if there was a national register of these late miscarriages then we may be able to work on stopping so many of them happening.
As my Milo showed signs of life when he was born he was issued a normal birth certificate and then when he passed away aged 21 weeks old we were issued a normal death certificate.
If we were in a different position with the loss of my Milo then I might feel different about the issuing of birth/death certificates to late miscarriage babies but I just think that sadly the babies would have had a very low chance of surviving when born at that gestation and as so should be given their own way of being registered.
Do you block on Facebook?
Is it childish or is it the adult way of dealing with someone you don’t like?
This evening I have been called childish and lacking maturity for blocking someone in one of my birth groups. The blocked person really wound me up and every time I would see her name it would just bring all the anger and frustration back to the surface. To stop that happening I blocked her.
Now I know she is slating me behind my back for it but I don’t give a shit. The blocking enabled me to stay in the group. Granted, it makes certain threads difficult to read but that is a small price to pay for anger free Facebooking.
Another person I have blocked is because all she does is whinge about her supposedly shitty life and any time someone offers up a solution she craps all over it and uses excuses as to why that won’t work. She never tries the suggestions so I got fed up of trying to help and having that help thrown back in my face so she was booted. I finally felt free in the group and I went back to loving the group rather than dreading what she was going to come out with next.
I also have a couple of other people blocked as they have children or dogs called Milo. I just can’t cope with seeing people using the name. I don’t have my Milo so why should I have to see theirs. Most people I have blocked for this reason I have told beforehand but I had a bad reaction from one so I have stopped telling them.