End of 2016

As we come to the end of another year my thoughts turn to how the year has been and what the New Year could bring.

I have had quite an uneventful year. Nothing of note has happened. This is the first even numbered year since 2010 that I haven’t given birth and it feels odd. 

We haven’t moved house, changed car or gone on an expensive/special holiday.

My Milo should have started school in September. I have avoided being around the new starters as much as possible. I can’t cope with seeing them and knowing that the parents would be my friends.

My living children are doing well. A had finally clicked with his reading and has started to expand his friendship group. L can now hold full on conversations and has a great understanding of what she wants and what I want her to do. 

In 2017 I expect no big changes until September. A will be starting a new school and L will be starting nursery. I may go back to work part time but I doubt it. 

We will stay in the same house and continue to drive the same car and I hope D will stay in the same job. 

I have no major hopes for next year. I find I just get more disappointed when they don’t come to fruition. 

Next year would be my Milo’s fifth birthday. The whole ‘time heals’ is bullshit. As we get further from the time I last held him the harder special days become. 





Decorating my Milo’s grave for Christmas. 

At the weekend my husband, living children and I went to visit my Milo’s resting place and to take him his new decorations.

How I wish I was buying him proper presents but that is not my journey. 

The kids were excited to take the stuff down as they has chosen some bits for him. 

A helped me position all the things. He decided which colour tinsel went in what position, where the new snowman went and which lights need to be on.

While making my Milo ready for Christmas I was constantly reminded of what/who I am missing. This is the 5th Christmas without him and each year just gets harder and the Milo shaped hole in the family get larger.

I wish I could have spent longer with him but the kids were getting cold and so I had to put them first. 

I hope to make it back on Christmas day but only if family will allow me to be missing for part of the day.



Tree of life BREAST milk photos. 

There is a current trend going around Facebook breastfeeding/exclusively pumping mum groups.

These photos all look fantastic. They are a celebration of mums giving their baby the best nature has to offer. Be it direct from source, tube fed or in a bottle, these images are trying to normalise breastfeeding. 

Formula feeders are jumping on this band wagon. They need to jump off. The tree of life has nothing to do with a man made substitute. They need to back off and leave this trend to us breast milk feeders. 

Why do they have to muscle in on something that is bringing awareness of longer term breast milk feeding? Lots of these photos are showing older toddlers feeding which is fantastic as usually these mums don’t share those photos due to the vile comments you can get.

My Milo was unable to suckle from me but if he had I would be sharing his photo everywhere. I would make one up with his tube but unfortunately the tube is too small for me add the tree. 

 Formula feeders find your own trend and share that to your hearts content and leave this one alone.