#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 24, Letter Y – Yearning

“YEARNING WITHOUT PAIN IS JUST WANTING”  Vanden Plas

Every loss parent yearns for their missing child. The yearning can be so bad that you struggle to breathe. This yearning will never go away/leave you. It may take a back seat but loss parents hearts will always yearn for someone they will never see again in their lifetime.

The pain of yearning is unending. Sometimes the only thing that gets you through is knowing that sleep will halt the yearning for a short while. You wake up in the morning and for a few second the pain isn’t there but then you remember and it is straight on your back like the weight of the world.

I yearn to hold my son in my arms or to lay him on my chest and watch him sleep. I yearn for the full family photos that I will never have or take. I just can’t bring myself to take them. I have photos of my two living children together and the occasional one of me and my husband but there are no photos of Lilith with her brother and parents. I wouldn’t be able to look at them and while that is not fair to Lilith as there are ones of her parents with her brothers she will forever be missing them just as we are missing a family member.

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