#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 20, Letter T – Tears

Many, many of these are shed by not only loss parents but also by the grandparents, family, friends and some people who are told the story of the angel.

They are not something to be hidden but often they are. Sometimes they take a long time to dry and sometimes they appear out of nowhere, even when you feel you are having a good day. However much you cry or don’t is not wrong. I have met some loss parents who are able to talk about their missing child and not let one free but then there are others who just hear a mention of their child’s name and they are sobbing.

I am glad I have moved on from the unstoppable tears. They embarrassed me as I rarely show emotion and they caused people to want to give me hugs and I don’t do hugs.

I cried so much in the days after losing my Milo, once the shock and the numbness eased off. I had days where I just wept all day. I would calm down and then someone would speak to me and then they would start again. I had horrendous headaches from them.

Seeing my dad sob over his grandson’s coffin is one image that haunts me even now and will do until the day I join my son. One of the nurses sat and cried with me the night my Milo died. She needed more consoling than I did, ( I was very numb). It showed me just how much she loved my boy and how much he would be missed by the staff. She told me that night that she doesn’t often work with the babies who come onto the ward but there was something about my son and she always asked to be in charge of him when she was on shift.

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