#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 19, Letter S – Subsequent

Some loss parents don’t go to have a subsequent child (rainbow). They just can’t face the thought that the loss might happen all over again or feel unable to deal with the stress that a rainbow pregnancy brings. Being pregnant again after a loss is so difficult. Every little twinge and your mind goes straight to it’s all going wrong.

Other loss parents go on to have two or three rainbow babies (no matter how many babies are in between their birth and their angel sibling they are still a rainbow). Neither way is wrong and anyone who comments negatively is a numpty.

I did go to have my rainbow baby. She was born almost two years to the day of when my Milo was born. His birthday is the 6th and hers is the 10th (such good planning).

I always say she is a subsequent child rather than my second child as my Milo was and always will be my second child. She is also not a replacement for my boy. No one could do that.

I do worry about her asking what the reasons were to have her, if it was only because her brother died. The honest answer is we would never have had her if her brother was either well or alive with all his issues. We would never have been able to cope with our eldest, Milo and an extra child. It wouldn’t have been fair to any of the children if we had done that. Milo would have been such a high needs child that his brother would have missed out on so much because I would have been dealing with his brother or he wouldn’t have seen me much as I would have been in the hospital with Milo. The thought of bringing another child into that situation fills me with fear.

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