#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 16, Letter P – Parenting

You may find that your parenting style changes considerably once you have lost one of your children. You may have been really relaxed before but are now what is considered to be a ‘helicopter’ parent, watching your child’s every move like a Red Kite or you could have been really protective and now have loosened the reins a bit because what is the worst that can happen when you have had to say goodbye to your child.

A change in your parenting style isn’t wrong, just as your parenting style staying the same with your other children isn’t wrong either. You do what you need to do to get through.

My parenting style definitely changed loads between my eldest and my youngest. He was bottle fed, in a pushchair constantly, in his own room from five months, slept away from home at five months and at nursery at twelve months. My daughter on the other hand was breast fed, co sleeps (even now at three years old),¬† wrapped as much as I could, never spent a night away from home and she will be going to nursery but I couldn’t face sending her at twelve months. He also napped in his moses basket or cot from birth whereas her nap place was my arms or lap. I barely put her down for the first three months of her life. When people wanted a cuddle they almost had to pry her out of my arms but I freely gave over my eldest son.

I do feel bad about the differences but I can’t go back and change it unfortunately, just like I can’t go back and change the loss of my boy. You never know how you will be after a loss and how much you can cope with.

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