#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 15, Letter O – Onward

Moving onwards is not a well liked concept within the child loss journey. How can you move on from your child? How can you leave behind this small person that you love with all your heart?

One of the most well intentioned but sadly wrong thing that someone outside of the child loss experience does is telling a grieving parent to move forward from your grief, pain and loss. The non loss person might be thinking that they are helping with their rubbish platitude but moving onwards is not really something a loss parent does. You just learn to deal/cope with everything and never get over the loss.

How have I moved on?

My biggest challenge in going forward was when I had my rainbow. Having her meant that everything was going to change again and that there would be someone in my life who means the world to me but that would never meet my Milo. Having her also made me face my demons about being in hospital and giving birth. She helped my thoughts move on from birth =  poorly child.

I also try and help other loss parents as much as I can. This is predominantly on line as I find it easier to not be face to face (social anxiety more that an inability to cope). I find helping someone find their feet again in this new and painful loss journey helps me keep looking forward rather than back at my loss and months of darkness. Of course helping someone who is right at the start can bring back the bad memories but they also help me see just how far I have come since losing my Milo.

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