#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 14, Letter N – New You

After losing your child you will never be the same person you were again. You may want to be but that won’t happen. Your very being is intrinsically changed once you experience this type of loss.

You have to learn to embrace the new you. You may not like her to begin with but sadly she is here to stay. Some of the changes might be huge like an inability to see or speak to other children aged the same as your angel or small like a constant sad look in your eyes.

You may also find that your tolerance level has dropped. Mine certainly did. Before if people made mistakes in their pregnancy I wouldn’t say anything but now I can’t stop myself. I try not to use my Milo as an example but if me saying something means a baby is saved then I will talk about his loss until the cows come home. You may also find a want to help people who are in the same situation as you.

I am more willing to talk to different people now. I suffered with major social anxiety before losing my Milo. I would hardly strike up conversations with anyone. Having to meet nurse upon nurse and different doctors all the time made me have to chat to people and so that has now transferred into my life.

I also now soak up every available moment with my living children. I don’t want to miss a moment of them growing up. I used to never be bothered if my eldest went to stay at a grandparents house but now I want him under my roof at all times.

I have also found that my protectiveness of my eldest as increased but I allow my youngest an awful lot more freedom than her biggest brother had at her age. I used to follow her brother around when he went to soft play or at the park but I now sit with a coffee and chill out while she has fun. She is safe and knows where I am if she needs me. She is also a lot more confident in new situations.

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