#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 12, Letter L – Living Again.

After the huge, life changing loss of you baby you may feel there is no point in living. Your main reason for staying alive is gone and will never be in your arms again. You will spend a while in a giant dark fog and there will seem like no way out and you may not be sure if you want to. You may have thoughts that you want to join your child and that everyone else will be better off without you. Not giving into these thoughts is really hard and you may need someone to help you find the light again.

These days do pass, I promise. You have to learn to live again and find things to focus on and enjoy. It is extremely difficult and it can take a long time to happen. Living again when your child can’t is a hard thought to get your head around. You may think that why should you enjoy yourself when your child can’t. I am pretty sure that your baby would not want you to be hiding away constantly and they are still with you in your heart. Smiling again is a small step to living again.

I think it took me 2 months to start to live my life again. Going back to work helped me an awful lot. I began to be me again rather than the mum of the baby that died.

I am now almost 5 years down the line since my Milo passed away and I will never have that life again but I am learning to make peace with that fact. Having his sister also helped with starting to live again.




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