#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 9, Letter I – Isolation

I don’t know if this happens to every loss parent but most of the ones I have spoken to have experienced this in some degree.

There are two types of isolation that happen to loss parents. The first one is the most common and that it self imposed isolation. For the first few weeks most loss parents will hide away from everyone while the darkness envelops you. You don’t want to see anyone or be with anyone as you can’t be with your child and that is who you need. You ignore calls from friends until they stop calling or you accept invites to go out but will back out at the last moment. Sometimes you don’t want to feel like the freak and so you stop seeing people as you don’t like the staring and whispering or the pity head tilt. That pity can tip you over the edge.

The second type of isolation is more of a feeling rather that it actually happening. Once the initial grieving period has eased you start to feel like no one can understand how you feel and so you cut yourself off again from everyone, even the people who are closest to you. This pain is your own and you think that no one wants to share it with you so you start to hide it. You also feel like you are the only person in the world to lose a child and seeing these parents with their children can be really difficult as they just don’t get it.

I felt extremely isolated after losing my Milo. No one in my family or my then friends circle had lost a baby like I did (or if they did they didn’t talk about it). Everyone had kids who were all here and healthy and that hurt. I began to stay home a lot more. I hated the pity and the sympathy and people who obviously didn’t want to talk about my child. All I wanted to do was talk about him but then I worried that I was becoming a bore and that no one actually wanted to hear about him. The staying home did help with the isolation as that was how I found my online forums. Those members slowly turned into friends and trusted people who were going through the same thing as me at the same time. We are now celebrating our angels 5th birthdays and we are still close friends.

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