#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 6, Letter F – Forget

One of the scariest things about being a loss parent is the fear that your child will be forgotten by everyone. Most of the time people don’t actually forget they just think that reminding you of your child will upset you so they don’t say anything. What they don’t realise is that not mentioning them is more hurtful than saying something. Even if it is the wrong thing, it is better to say something than just allow a loss parent to think you have forgotten.

Another scary thing for a loss parent is thinking you are going to forget your child. What they looked like, what they smelled like, what their cry was like, how they wiggled, the colour of their eyes. Photos and video footage can help with this but nothing can remind you of your child’s specific smell. Sadly anything that holds their scent will fade or be masked by anything else it comes into contact with.

My Milo will never be forgotten. I will not allow it. I talk about him all the time and my living children know all about their brother. Once I am gone they will keep up his memory. I share many, many photos of my son over many social media outlets. My house is also covered with photos of him. There is something to do with my Milo in each room, apart from the bathroom. We have photos in the living room and both kids bedrooms. The kitchen has his hand and feet prints on plates on the walls and our bedroom has the donkey (Dexter) which lived with my Milo in his incubator and then his cot. We did contemplate burying Dexter with Milo but in the end I needed it close to me.

There are family members who have forgotten my boy. They never visit his grave or send messages on his special days. They also like to change the subject if he is mentioned at family events. They actively try to get photos without the Milo bear in them. They just don’t understand. There is one family member though that makes up for everyone. She was there for me while Milo was with us and ever since he had gone. She takes time out of her busy life (full-time job and 2 boys of her own) to text me and make sure I am doing ok. She always remembers his special days and will visit the grave on a regular basis. I know she won’t ever forget my boy and for that she is very special to me.

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