#AtoZChallenge2017 Parenting After Loss, Day 4, Letter D – Death

Death is the main subject when you are a loss parent. It can be all you think about in the early days of the journey.

The death of your child affects all your thoughts and your life. Everything links back to the child you lost. As much as you may not want it too, death is an everlasting shadow over your future.

Never hide the death of their sibling from your living children. They will not thank you for it as they get older. Answer any and all questions they have, even if they have already asked them 100 times before. Use age appropriate answers. A three year old doesn’t need as much detail as a twelve year old would want. Make them unafraid of death but, in turn, try not to focus on the death. Instead make the death only part of their missing sibling. Focus on the good parts.

I have many photos of my Milo dotted around my house. The grandparents also have him everywhere. I will never hide my Milo from my LC. They are fully aware that they have a brother, that he was very, poorly and that he died. They know when we take a certain route in the car that we are going to visit his resting place. They regularly play games with him and he has to be strapped in every time we go out in the car. While I love that they include him, it also hurts my heart because he can’t be with them.

My eldest did meet my Milo and talks about him often. He was accused of lying once as he told a friend about his brother who lives in the sky. The friend didn’t believe him and then told her parents. The parents then spoke to me saying it is not nice to make up stories like that. The look on their face when I told them he was telling the truth was a picture.

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