Being a loss parent means you will always have more children in your heart than in your arms. Nothing you do can change that and you have to find a way to live with it or you go mental. It is not a case of getting over your lost child/ren but more a case of learning to live with the grief and pain. Parenting after loss is a new norm that you will always surprise you and challenge you every day of your life.
When someone asks you the inevitable question “How many children do you have?” your mind races with thoughts of what to say and how to deal with the person’s reaction. You have to gauge how well you know the person and how you feel about them. Some loss parents don’t like to talk about their missing child with strangers or even with people they know and might see again. You might be afraid that you will upset the person who asked and then you have to deal with their emotions as well as your own which can make it difficult to maintain control. You could tell someone your story and then that can cause 100 more questions that are harder to answer than the original one.
Whenever I am asked the question I always answer with 3 and say their names and ages (A 7, M who should be 5 but passed away at just under 5 months and L 3). I cannot deny that my Milo lived. Sometimes people don’t get it but that it is OK. My answer does often mean more questions but that is ok. People are interested in my son even though some days it is hard to talk about him. I know in my heart that it is hard concept to deal with. Child loss is a taboo and shouldn’t happen.