Capture your grief – Day 20 – Gratitude

I have many things to be grateful for in my journey.

I am grateful that my Milo chose me to be his mummy. While he couldn’t stay, to have him for as long as I did was lovely. I feel lucky that I held him for 21 weeks. 

I am very grateful for my living children. Aiden helped me so much in the early days. He was my reason to keep breathing. Lilith started to heal my heart. While she is in no way a replacement for her brother, she has made the hole in my being a lot smaller. 

I am really grateful to the John Radcliffe hospital staff for helping my Milo and making it so that we had almost 5 months with him. If they hadn’t have tried so hard with him we would have lost him quite early on. 

I am grateful for the support of my online 2012 birth boards. The ladies were there while my Milo was here. I knew I could log on at any time and there would be someone there to chat too. They were also fantastic after he was gone. They have never made me feel like the odd one out and they include my Milo in things that are organised like Secret Santa, secret easter bunny or birthday cards. They also helped with fundraising for the hospital. If not for them there wouldn’t have been half as much raised. 

My other children’s birth boards have also been great. They remember my boy and ask how I am doing on his special days. They also show their support on the wave of light day. Not just for my Milo of course, for all the angels of the board but it helps me. 

I am grateful for a couple of my other Facebook groups. One was initially on Babycentre but the main support came from when I moved over to the FB one. They encouraged me to share a photo of my Milo once he had passed. There are a few angel mums on the groups who have been longer without their children than me. This gives me comfort as I can talk to them and they completely understand. They also remember his special days and want me to tell them about him and show them photos. 

I am grateful to my school mum friends too. They weren’t around when this journey began but they listen to me when I talk of my Milo. They also stop me feeling so alone in the run up to special dates. 



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