In the early days I would allow the grief of losing my Milo take me, especially when I was alone. I must have spent weeks in my bed just letting the waves of pain wash over me. Aiden would come home from nursery and nap next to me so I didn’t have to leave my pit.
It was only when I could hear him tell visitors “mummy bed” without them asking or using the same phrase when answering the question of what he had done that day, that I started to realise that I could no longer allow myself the luxury of wallowing. It was affecting my boy and his life.
Now, 4 years down the life I have more control over my reactions. Special dates can still floor me and the run up to those dates are horrendous. They sometimes seem worse than the actual day.
I do still have occasions where the tears start when talking about my Milo. I try not to but sometimes I just can’t hold them back any longer.
I find if I am around my kids then I am much better at controlling the emotions. I have to keep it together for them. They do not need to see me lose it. It’s not fair to them.