There are many unknowingly hurtful things that have been said by people trying to make me feel better about losing my Milo (never going to happen).
Things I have had said to me by my nearest and dearest are
- Time heals all wounds. (nope it just helps you deal with them better).
- Maybe it was for the best. (Absolutely not)
- He is in the arms of Jesus now. (Why his and not mine)
- At least you have Aiden (why does having a child negate the loss of another)
- Your life will be so much easier now. (I would rather difficulty over this pain)
- Maybe he wasn’t meant to stay. (Who decided that, sure as hell wasn’t me).
- God always has a plan. (What about my plan to raise my boy).
- You can always have another child. (I want my Milo not another child. He was irreplaceable )
- Maybe it would have been better if they hadn’t resuscitated him at birth. (Then I wouldn’t have seen him smile, heard him cry, felt him move or breathe and snuggled his little warm body)
When it comes to being close to angel parents try
- Using the baby’s name whenever possible.
- Asking about the baby. I love to talk about my Milo.
- Saying I’m sorry when you hear about the baby passing but stopping at that.
- Offer help and assistance.
- Let the parents know you are willing to listen to them talk.
- Remember special dates.
- Understanding that sometimes we make plans but just can’t face the world that day and have to cancel with short or no notice.
- Don’t worry that we may cry when we speak of our missing child. You haven’t upset us, it’s just sometimes we need to let out the pain.