To my Milo

My smallest son,

I am so sorry that I couldn’t keep you. I wanted you to come home so much. It hurt me every time I had to walk out of the door. I’m sorry I didn’t do more when you were still inside me. I should have pushed more and got them to get you out sooner. I was there every day but I trusted them that everything was ok when I should have trusted my instincts and knew you were struggling.

I’m sorry I didn’t hold you whenever you needed me too. I couldn’t be there but you were in my thoughts all the time and I wished you were closer.

I’m sorry I couldn’t make you better. I tried and pleaded and beg with the doctors to allow me to get to take you home but it wasn’t going to happen. The day they told me I wouldn’t get to keep you in my arms was one of the worst of my life.

I wanted to do you better but I couldn’t. I wanted to be your mum but I wasn’t allowed. I needed you, like you needed me but it wasn’t to be.

I wish you were closer to me but I needed you to be where you are resting. You are with family and hopefully they are caring for you until I can.

I love you my little man,

I think of you always and always will.


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